Reverb15: High Preistess

(For the past five years, I’ve used Reverb10 prompts to give myself a question to answer every day of December. It’s a great way to reflect on the year and set goals for the future. For 2015 I combined my love of tarot with the Reverb questions, matching my favorite questions to the 22 Major Arcana cards in the deck.)

HIGH PRIESTESS. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year?

This year it wasn’t so much as learning as un-learning. It’s funny the labels we stick on to ourselves. It’s not so funny how big an impact those labels can have. My label? I’m a starter not a finisher. Since I was a child and my mom walked into the den (home to many half-finished craft projects) and cried out “Why can’t you finish anything!??!” in genuine wonder and frustration, I’ve been The Girl Who Does Not Finish What She Starts.

This year that changed. Oh, sure, I start way more things than I finish. But somehow, the blouse pattern that didn’t work out or the story that had an easy-to-write beginning but not much more stopped hurting. I stopped hearing her voice so much. I stopped making a judgement call about the thing that was no longer workable or interesting. And that made all the difference. Especially given that this year was the year I had to drop out of grad school, didn’t do the last step of Wild Woman Training, had to cancel a tarot study group, and couldn’t push through a plan to get the underprivileged kids at my school free test prep.

I can finish things. I finish the work on a caseload full of seniors in high school every year.  I finished a 100 day workout plan this year (more on that later) and I finished a class on Tarot Counseling. But no one finishes everything. We all have projects that aren’t as advertised, become logistic nightmares, or just plain aren’t interesting. That label? Human.

And knowing that, it’s wisdom. Knowing that emotionally as well as intellectually is healing wisdom. Real and useful. The kind of wisdom that High Priestess has, I bet.

(P.S. Last year I wrote this.)

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