Reverb15: The Lovers

(For the past five years, I’ve used Reverb10 prompts to give myself a question to answer every day of December. It’s a great way to reflect on the year and set goals for the future. For 2015 I combined my love of tarot with the Reverb questions, matching my favorite questions to the 22 Major Arcana cards in the deck.)

THE LOVERS. How did you give and/or receive unconditional love this year?

I’d like for this post to be about the amazing romantic weekend we spent in Portland. I’d like it to be about the cabin in Wrightwood. I’d like to talk about all those times we had time together and it was so lovely and easy and I was reminded why this was the one person I’d like to take with me to a deserted island, the one person I’ll share my last meal with, the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But real love is about caring about someone even when they piss you off. Are late for dinner, again. Get moody. Again. Say the stupid thing.

And you know you have real love when you get a kind word and a hug when you are pissy, irritable, forgetful, and petty too.

This year was hard. We both are struggling with jobs that are really demanding and yet are making us question if we are on the right career paths. We see very little of each other. We are tired, a lot. We need different things to recharge after a long week. There have been a lot of tears. A lot of sighs. A lot of “I’m sorry” and “I won’t do that again.” We never deliberately hurt each other. We were never mean, or yelled. That’s not our style. But when it’s so often so good, a touch of unpleasant is scary.

I’m lucky. (Understatement of my life.) I have someone who loves me even when I haven’t showered, am sick and grumpy. He’ll get me a burrito and let me watch cheesy television. And I’ll get him soup and watch stupid cartoons with him when he’s rough around the edges too. And we’ll give each other that pep talk that’s become mantra around here “This won’t last forever. We’ll figure this out. We aren’t alone in this.”

If that’s not unconditional love, what is?

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